The Power of Connection in Healing Trauma

— Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy.

Our nervous system is hardwired for connection, but trauma can make us feel isolated and cut off from others. According to Deb Dana, understanding how our nervous system responds to trauma can help us rebuild a sense of safety and connection.

The Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges and expanded upon by Deb Dana, suggests that our nervous system has three primary states: the ventral vagal state (safety and social engagement), the sympathetic state (fight or flight), and the dorsal vagal state (shutdown and disconnection). When we experience trauma, our nervous system may get stuck in a defensive state (sympathetic or dorsal), making it difficult to feel safe or connected with others.

Many trauma survivors find it challenging to trust others or feel comfortable in social situations because their nervous system is on high alert. They might feel anxious, irritable, or disconnected, often without understanding why. Recognizing these states is the first step toward healing.

Therapeutic approaches that focus on regulating the nervous system can help trauma survivors feel safe again. Techniques such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindful movement can help shift the nervous system back to the ventral vagal state, where social engagement and connection are possible.

Stephen Porges the creator of the Polyvagal Theory says: Safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection.

The Polyvagal Ladder

The Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges and expanded upon by Deb Dana, offers a framework for understanding how the autonomic nervous system navigates between different states. These states can either promote connection or drive us into defensive, survival-focused behaviors.

Imagine a ladder:

1. At the top of the ladder is the ventral vagal state, where we feel safe, socially engaged, and connected.
   

2. In the middle of the ladder lies the sympathetic state, characterized by fight or flight responses. Here, we are mobilized to defend ourselves, perceiving danger even when none may be present.
   

3. At the bottom of the ladder is the dorsal vagal state, where the body shuts down in response to an overwhelming threat. This is where immobilization, collapse, and disconnection occur.
   

Climbing Down: Trauma and Survival Responses

When trauma occurs, it is as though we are forced to climb down this autonomic ladder into survival states. Our neuroception detects cues of danger, shifting us out of our ventral vagal state of safety and into either sympathetic mobilization or dorsal vagal shutdown.

• Sympathetic State (Fight or Flight): If your nervous system detects danger but believes it can overcome the threat, it mobilizes you for action. This state is characterized by increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and a heightened sense of alertness. In this middle zone, you are ready to fight or flee—your body is preparing for survival. However, when stuck in this state, it becomes difficult to rest, feel calm, or socially connect with others. Anxiety, irritability, or hypervigilance can dominate.
  

• Dorsal Vagal State (Shutdown or Immobilization): If the nervous system perceives the threat as too great to overcome, it retreats into a state of collapse and immobilization. Here, we see the body's last resort—a protective strategy to conserve energy and avoid further harm. This can manifest as feelings of numbness, disconnection, or profound fatigue. Being stuck here makes it hard to engage in daily life, let alone form meaningful connections.
  

Climbing Up: Healing and Connection

Healing from trauma is like climbing back up the Polyvagal ladder. The goal is to help the nervous system return to the ventral vagal state, where we can feel safe, connected, and socially engaged. But how do we move up this ladder when our body feels stuck?

1. Ventral Vagal State (Safety and Connection): At the top of the ladder, we experience feelings of safety, calmness, and a sense of belonging. Our breathing slows, our heart rate is steady, and we feel connected to those around us. This is where social engagement is possible—where we can trust others, express ourselves openly, and form deep, meaningful relationships.
   

2. Regulating the Nervous System: Therapeutic approaches that focus on nervous system regulation aim to help trauma survivors move from defensive states (sympathetic or dorsal) back to the safety of the ventral vagal state. Techniques such as deep breathing, grounding exercises, and mindful movement can be particularly effective. These practices help to soothe the nervous system, signaling that it is safe to move out of fight, flight, or shutdown modes and back into connection.
   

Understanding the Ladder’s Importance

The ladder metaphor illustrates the movement between these three states. Trauma can trap us in the lower rungs of this ladder, leaving us disconnected from others and unable to access feelings of safety or calm. To recover, we must learn how to detect where we are on this ladder and use tools and practices that allow us to gradually climb back up to safety.

Deb Dana emphasizes that neuroception is not something we control consciously—it is an automatic, subconscious process. Our nervous system is always scanning for cues of safety or danger, even when we are unaware of it. Trauma survivors often live with a nervous system that is hyper-alert, constantly detecting threats where there are none, making it challenging to trust others or engage in social situations.

Safety as Connection

Dr. Stephen Porges highlights that "safety is not the absence of threat, but the presence of connection." This means that our nervous system interprets safety not just through the removal of external dangers, but through the presence of secure and supportive relationships. To truly feel safe, we need connection. Without it, even in seemingly safe environments, we may still experience feelings of anxiety, hypervigilance, or numbness.

The ladder helps visualize the process of navigating through our body's responses to safety, danger, and life-threatening situations. It provides a roadmap for therapists and individuals alike to understand where they are, and how they can work toward re-establishing safety and social connection. Using the Ladder for Self-Regulation

The beauty of the Polyvagal Ladder is that it not only helps us understand our nervous system's responses but also provides a framework for taking practical steps to regulate ourselves. By learning to recognize where we are on the ladder, we can use specific strategies to help us climb back toward safety and connection.

Step 1: Identify Where You Are on the Ladder

The first step in using the ladder for self-regulation is awareness. Start by tuning in to how your body feels, your emotions, and your mental state. Ask yourself:

• Am I feeling socially engaged, connected, and calm? (Ventral vagal state)
  

• Do I feel anxious, irritable, or like I need to be on high alert? (Sympathetic state)
  

• Am I feeling withdrawn, numb, or completely exhausted? (Dorsal vagal state)
  

Taking a moment to pause and check in with yourself can help you identify where you are on the ladder. It’s important to recognize that these states are part of a natural cycle, and moving between them is normal. The goal isn’t to avoid certain states but to learn how to navigate between them with awareness and intention.

Step 2: Activate Your Resources

Once you know where you are on the ladder, you can use specific tools and practices to regulate your nervous system. Different strategies work best depending on whether you’re stuck in the sympathetic fight-or-flight response or the dorsal vagal shutdown. Here’s how to approach each state:

• Sympathetic State (Fight or Flight): If you find yourself feeling anxious, hyper-alert, or agitated, your body is in mobilization mode. You can use grounding techniques to help calm the system and bring yourself back to a state of safety:
  

  • Deep Breathing: Slow, deep breaths signal to your nervous system that you are safe. Breathe in deeply through your nose, hold for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth.
    

  • Movement: Gentle movement, like walking, stretching, or yoga, helps to discharge the excess energy that builds up in a fight-or-flight state. This can signal your body that it is safe to relax.
    

  • Mindful Sensory Experiences: Tune in to the sensations around you, such as the feeling of your feet on the ground, the texture of an object, or the sounds you hear. Engaging your senses can bring your nervous system back to the present moment and reduce anxiety.
    

• Dorsal Vagal State (Shutdown or Immobilization): If you feel disconnected, numb, or immobilized, your body is in shutdown mode. To help yourself climb out of this state, focus on gentle activation strategies:
  

  • Small Movements: Start with small, manageable movements. Wiggle your fingers or toes, or gently move your arms and legs. This can help bring you out of the frozen state of immobility.
    

  • Connecting with Others: Reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Even sending a text or having a brief conversation can help you feel less isolated and begin the process of reconnecting.
    

  • Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. When you’re in a dorsal vagal state, it’s easy to be hard on yourself or feel ashamed for feeling stuck. Remind yourself that this is a natural response, and you’re taking steps to move forward.
    

Step 3: Climb Toward the Ventral Vagal State

The goal of these practices is to help you climb back toward the ventral vagal state, where safety, calmness, and social connection are possible. In this state, you are more open to engaging with others, handling challenges with resilience, and feeling a sense of ease.

• Social Engagement: Once you feel more regulated, focus on fostering connection with those around you. This can be as simple as making eye contact, having a conversation, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of belonging.
  

• Positive Routines: Build routines that support your ventral vagal state. Activities like regular physical movement, mindfulness practices, creative expression, and spending time with loved ones can help you maintain this state of connection and safety.
  

• Mindful Reflection: Practice regularly checking in with yourself to notice where you are on the ladder. Over time, you’ll become more attuned to the shifts in your nervous system and better able to take proactive steps to support your well-being.
  

Step 4: Practice and Patience

Using the ladder for self-regulation is a process that takes practice. There may be times when you feel stuck in fight-or-flight or shutdown modes, and that’s okay. The key is to approach the process with patience and self-compassion. It’s not about staying at the top of the ladder all the time but learning how to navigate between states with awareness and grace.

Why This Matters

By using the ladder as a tool for self-regulation, you are taking an active role in your healing journey. Whether you’ve experienced trauma or are simply navigating the stresses of daily life, understanding the Polyvagal Ladder empowers you to recognize and respond to your nervous system’s needs. You can climb toward safety and connection, one step at a time, knowing that you have the tools to help yourself along the way.